Poopy Eyeball

My plan to engage in toilet talk along side my daughter, thus eliminating the taboo and decreasing the desire to engage in it has TOTALLY BACKFIRED.

When I was in my junior year of high school, I went to Ohio to check out Oberlin College.  We stayed with my father’s twin brother, his wife, and their three little girls.  Two of them were in or around preschool age.  Giggly, curly-haired, silly little girls, they loved toilet-talk as much as the next three-year-old.  What stands out in my mind about this visit is that they had invented a truly unique expletive that sent them into peals of laughter every time it was uttered: 

Poopy eyeball. 

There was something particularly irreverent about the combination of naughty word “poop” with the inherently goofy word “eyeball” that made the phrase worth repeating over and over and over again.

Needless to say, it left an impression.  And twenty-five years later, I found myself uttering it in a moment of playful toilet banter with Sophie.  Mind you, it’s not something I said more than once or twice, but Sophie immediately found it to have lexical appeal. 

“Poopy eyeball?” she said grinning broadly, her own eyes rolling in her head with excitement.

I rue the moment it passed my lips.  Sophie manages to work it into every conversation we have.  Apparently, it’s a noun, a verb, an adjective, and an exclamation.  As in, “Poopy eyeball!  I poopy eyeball on my poopy eyeball.  It’s very poopy eyeball.”

Despite my determination not to “limit” her toilet talk and to kill it with permissiveness, I’ve had to enact the rule:  no toilet talk while we’re eating.   It’s really annoying to dine with someone who feels compelled to repeatedly drop the phrase “poopy eyeball,” the way teenagers pepper their sentences with, “like.”  My rule has been poorly observed.   

Thus, I’ve resorted to more desperate measures.  I tried super-saturating her in the car one afternoon, saying “poopy eyeball” in response to everything she said. 

She thought it was hilarious. 

Today, for the first time, I saw signs of her weakening.  After her nap, in a moment of extreme crankiness, I responded to her request to watch Mary Poppins with, “Poopy Eyeball.” 

“STOP IT MOMMY!” 

Oh yeah.  Take that.  In your eyeball, baby.

Road Tripping Toddler

Sophie and I know a thing or two about driving.  Every week we log a good 400-450 miles in “Green Car” (a bit of a misnomer for although the car is green in hue, there is nothing environmentally-friendly about these treks).  I realize this is nothing to be proud of in the age of fossil fuel dependence and depletion of the ozone layer, but we live in a state where nothing is accessible by public transportation and everywhere you want to go is at least 20 minutes by car.  And, as I am committed to sending Sophia to my mother’s nursery school that is two hours away, the car is a necessary evil.

Over the course of these miles (which, in this year alone, I’ve accumulated enough of to have crossed the country four times over), I’ve discovered, the hard way, that the most important thing when traveling with a toddler is to 

BE PREPARED.  BE VERY PREPARED. 

I organize our time in the car much in the way that I would at home.  We have book time, music time, snack time, dramatic play and conversation time (and, if it is an especially long trip…nap time).  I rotate up so that each is a welcome change (for both of us).  I keep the entertainment stacked up on the passenger seat beside me, readily accessible to be handed to my carseat-imprisoned toddler.  The handing back horrifies my husband and certainly could be construed as distracted driving…but I believe it’s better to be distracted for a split second while I transition Sophia from one activity to the next than be distracted with two hours of tantrumming.  This is what could be found piled-up next to me on any given trip: 

Music Time

• My iphone, stocked with Raffi, customized play lists, and favorite albums for individual listening pleasure
• Fisher Price headphones that, regardless how loud Sophie cranks up the iphone, the sound is modulated and kept at a safe-for-listening level
• CDs (Music Together, Jazz Standards, Raffi, Free to Be…You and Me, Shel Silverstein poems, etc.)  for collective listening “pleasure”
• Our own voices—Sophie and I enjoy singing songs that have an improvisational component, e.g. The Name Game, Down By the Bay, The Wheels on the Bus, Old MacDonald (songs in which we can insert our own zany rhymes phrases and ideas)

Book Time

• Board books (ones that are indestructible should said toddler try to rip them, chew them, or even chuck them in a fit of anger)
• My iphone, stocked with books on tape and digital children’s books
• Brag books filled with pictures of friends, family, and special occasions.

Snack Time

As my car is relatively new, I’m always looking for car-friendly snacks…ones that Sophia can manage on her own without too much mess or be in danger of aspirating into her lungs.  These are my favorites:

·        Fresh, cut-up fruit

·        Dry cereal (Organic fake cheerios, Panda Puffs)

·        Raisin boxes (which can also be filled with dried cranberries)

·        Squeezable organic fruit sauce

·        Trader Joe’s Organic fruit leather

·        Annie’s Organic Cheddar Bunnies

Toys/Dramatic Play

• A pretend cell phone (call various loved ones, the pizza parlor to order a pie, etc.)
• Stuffed animals (to talk to, do the voices of, command actions, sing about, cuddle)
• Travel magna doodle (draw a picture of…., practice letters and numbers, make a face…etc.)
• Viewfinder (this is a must have…they have lots of wonderful animal slides to look at)

Conversation

• Sophie loves narration about fun events in her life.  She’ll tell me, “talk about the farm,” “talk about the zoo,” “talk about (insert friend’s name).”  Simply recounting these visits can hold her attention for a little while.
• I Spy:  Simply played, “I spy with my little eye…(noun, e.g., a gas station,” and she has to “find” it and then take a turn…or, more challenging, “I spy with my little eye something… (adjective, e.g. orange).” 
• Storytelling:  Sophie loves when I make up a story that involves her and all her favorite characters, eg. “Sophielocks and the Three Bears”

We recently made it halfway across the country (and back) with only one meltdown (we sat behind a car accident for 1½ hours with no bathroom in sight…I was having a meltdown) rotating the aforementioned activities.  I’d love to hear from other parents about what they use to keep their child engaged when on long trips.